True Forgiveness

True forgiveness goes beyond the words, ‘I’m sorry.’  True forgiveness involves releasing control. 

Yes, this was difficult for me to take in as well because feeling of control in my life brings me immense security. 

But we must let go in order to truly forgive.  When we forgive someone, or even ourselves, we are releasing the hold we have over them from the mistake they made or injustice they inflicted on you. 

It’s accepting what happened and allowing yourself to move forward.  Forgiveness releases the chains you’ve placed on yourself.  It gives you the freedom to surrender and let go of past grievances. 

Forgiving others is very difficult, at times even impossible, to do when you are withholding it from yourself. 

If you want to find freedom, you must first go within and see what you need to forgive yourself for. 

What past mistakes are you still holding against yourself? 

What regrets or poor choices are you subconsciously berating yourself for? 

What decisions have you made that you wish had gone differently? 

Go inward and find them. 

Yes, this is challenging.  Yes, it will likely be painful.  But the healing process is painful.  However, holding onto the shame, negativity, guilt, or regret is MUCH more severe. 

Have you ever dislocated a joint before?  While your shoulder is dislocated it is incredibly painful, but you know that putting it back in place will also be painful. 

So what do you do? 

Do you remain in the disjointed state fearing the pain of healing or do you allow a professional to help you put yourself back in alignment again? 

Healing is a short-term pain, for joint dislocation or digging up shameful experiences in the past.  The question becomes, what would you rather live with?  Long-term disconnection and pain or short-term pain and healing? 

The choice is up to you.

Once you’ve decided to work through forgiving yourself, the act of forgiving others becomes easier.  I’m not saying it will be easy, just easier than before. 

Now you will be able to give others the benefit of the doubt, same as you gave yourself.  You can be generous in your assumptions of others.  Allowing them the same grace you would extend yourself.  Trusting those you love and have chosen to be in your life with the best of intentions.  You can trust they are doing the best they can with what they have/what they know. 

Sometimes our best is not great, this is also true for others.  Which is why we all need forgiveness. 

We are human and therefore fallible.  When we are willing to accept this in ourselves it is easier to extend it to others.