Feel Like Yourself Again

Do you ever have thoughts such as…

I don’t feel like me.  I don’t look like me. 

I feel lost.  I feel broken.

I’ve tried to find myself, but nothing has worked yet.  I don’t know what else to do.

 I have. 

The division inside of yourself, when you feel lost, is incredibly painful.  You’re physically here, but you’re also gone at the same time.  Once you realize this loss was causing pain and anxiety, you went looking for pieces of you, proof of life.  Clues you are still in there, somewhere…

Finding your way back to yourself isn’t easy and it isn’t quick, but it can be accomplished with repeated, simple steps. 

Here are three practices that helped me.

Try something new

What is something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t taken the time to do so? 

Is it throwing pottery? 

Is it learning a new language? 

Is it hosting a dinner party at your house where all the food is homemade? 

Make a list of all the activities or hobbies you’d like to try out and then pick one.  Select one you’ve been putting off for quite a while but will be easy enough to schedule this month. 

The first time I did this, I chose painting.  In school I wasn’t the best at art, so in my effort to achieve straight A's, I never took an art class past sixth grade. 

Painting always looked fun, challenging, but fun. 

I mustered up the courage, signed up for a Painting with a Twist class, and took my mom with me.  If you’re concerned about backing out at the last minute, book your activity with a friend and you’re more likely not to bail on yourself. 

At that class, I found out I loved painting!  I’m not amazing at it, but I enjoy it for what it is. 

What will it be for you?  What will you try?

Also, do not feel disappointed if the first thing you try, you do not enjoy.  The accomplishment is in the attempt, the prioritization of you and your wants, not in the success of nailing down an activity you love.  However, I do recommend continuing to do this activity search on a regular basis.  Find new things you love and incorporate them into your life.  The more your calendar is filled with activities that bring you joy the closer you will come to feeling like yourself again.

Through the Looking Glass

(I couldn’t help but throw in an Alice in Wonderland reference 😊).

When you look in the mirror, what do you see? 

Do you see yourself or only glimpses?  What is one thing you could do to see YOU when you look at your reflection? 

Get a haircut? 

Put on a little mascara? 

Wear that new sweater you’ve been saving for a special occasion? 

Smile? 

We see our reflection countless times throughout the day, at the very least, each time we go to the bathroom.  Take the time to do whatever you need to do to like the person you see staring back at you. 

Start small.  We can’t lose those stubborn pounds in a day, much less one month.  Do one thing today that will make you smile at your reflection. 

Maybe it has nothing to do with the physical aspect of you, but it has to do with admiration.  You finally accomplished that task or project you’ve been putting off so now you can stare confidently at yourself in the mirror. 

Or maybe you need to begin giving yourself credit just for showing up. 

Start with Mel Robbins High Five Habit.  The High Five Habit is a tool to increase self-acceptance.  Each morning when you look at yourself in the mirror, raise your hand, and give your reflection a high five.  It will probably seem silly at first, I know it did for me.  But give it time.  You’ll begin the appreciate yourself the amazing woman you are.

Journal/ Write

When you write out your thoughts you are better able to process them.  Getting your thoughts out on paper is not only cathartic it helps you understand yourself better.  Increased self-awareness allows you to understand your own needs and to make better choices in how to meet them. 

For example, if you’re feeling anxious and you’re looking for a quick comfort.  You could pour yourself a glass of wine, but that may lead to multiple glasses and a huge headache tomorrow… 

You could bake your favorite double chocolate chip cookies.  But will they really make you feel comforted once you’re done eating or are they just a temporary salve? 

You could go for a short walk outside.  You know the fresh air and the warmth of the sunshine always improves your mood.  Plus you know that moving your body helps release anxiety. 

Taking a walk might not be a typical idea of comfort for you, but once you know yourself better you’ll find that this activity produces the best/longest lasting results. 

Without reflection and journaling through your thoughts, feelings, coping mechanisms; you would not have realized the optimum way to meet your need.

Here is another example, if you are someone who thinks better internally vs. verbally processing, you’ll likely recognize this scenario. 

When people ask you what you want (for your birthday, a restaurant selection, plans for the weekend…) do you often respond with, “I don’t know…”? 

Why do you think you do not know what you want? 

Sure, sometimes we honestly do not have a preference on which restaurant we’d like to go to this evening, but most of the time we’re actually repressing our needs to meet someone else’s.  We do not want to voice what we want because we’d rather make the other person happy. 

Sometimes self-sacrifice is a good thing, but when it is your mode of operation, it becomes an act of self-betrayal. 

Take some time and journal about your favorite things: activities, restaurants, gifts, words of affirmation, etc.  This will build a list of go-to responses until your intuition has regained it’s strength and you will immediately know what you want. 

Listen to your body.  Your body never lies.  Your thoughts lie.  Trust yourself, trust your gut.  And as with anything else, the more you practice the easier and more habitual it becomes.

It will take time, as all good/worthwhile things do.  But this journey is fun!  It is your way back to you.  Back to joy and peace- your true north. 

Give these ideas a try and watch as you begin to discover yourself again.