Curiosity vs. Fear: The Best Path Forward

You can choose fear or you can choose curiosity, but you can’t have both.

Each time we find ourselves in a situation that brings up anxiety, stress, overwhelm, or any kind of pain we find ourselves at a fork in the road. 

I learned this theory from Martha Beck and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it ever since.  She explains that the fork in the road leads to two paths, one is fear and the other curiosity. 

In every challenging situation we can either choose to walk the path of fear or to turn and walk in curiosity.  We can allow our thoughts about what could happen overtake us, or we can question the possibilities this situation creates. 

Curiosity is the birthplace of creativity.  We must question the status quo in order to create something new.  We are creative because we are curious.

When we question our thoughts about a difficult situation, we can begin to see the truth behind the initial trepidation.  We realize our thoughts are not always accurate and we have a choice to the meaning we give each event in our life.

For example, let’s begin small with something that is minor (even if it feels huge).  An argument with a loved one. 

You exchange hurtful words, you both become defensive, and it may even end in tears.  You can walk away from this event overcome with fear that your relationship is irreparably damaged, or you can get curious and think of ways this argument can improve your communication going forward. 

Sure, when you’re still filled with emotion it is difficult to see beyond the immediate fear.  Start slow.  Begin with questioning your fearful thoughts and allow yourself to believe (even if you cannot see it yet) that GOOD can come from this. 

Believing in the possibility is your first step to getting curious.

Now for a life altering example.  You just lost your job.  This is devastating, especially if you loved your job, were the sole provider for your family, or are in debt up to your eyeballs. 

Side note, I don’t know about you, but do you ever feel like life is trying to teach you a lesson and you’re too stubborn to pay attention until it becomes such a massive problem that you are forced to deal with it head on?  Me too.  Going forward I’d like to pay better attention to what God/ the Universe is trying to teach me, but I often end up learning the lesson the hard way.  I digress…

Back to losing your job.  You can feel crushed, depressed, excruciatingly upset, and still choose NOT to go down the path of fear.  Feel your feelings.  Allow yourself the time and space to feel the pain and then release it. 

Question your thoughts. 

Yes, this seems like a horrible situation. 

Yes, you’re likely going to struggle to get back to where you were financially. 

Yes, this isn’t going to be easy.  

All of this can be true AND there can be opportunities for good in there as well.

Do not allow one company’s decision to let you go (likely based on their own financials and has nothing to do with you) break down your confidence or self-worth.  This is the first place to begin (once you’ve felt and released your feelings).  Your belief in yourself will take you everywhere you need to go. 

Start with Mel Robbins, High Five Habit: each morning stand in front of the mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and give yourself a high five.  Sure, it feels silly the first dozen times you do it, but eventually you’ll find your reflection smiling back at you and feel a sense of pride swell in your chest. 

You are worth a daily high five.  You’re here working on yourself, doing your best to get back in the game, and you are reaching for possibility.  You are amazing! 

(side note: I believe everyone should start the High Five Habit, no matter if you’re struggling or feeling content in life.  Give it a try!)

All of this is allowing yourself to be open to new opportunities, which is how you actively choose curiosity.

Next, come up with a list of all the reasons this job loss could work in your favor.  Write down at least 10 reasons this could be a positive change for you.

1. You did not feel respected by your boss. Sure, you put up with it, but now you don’t have to!
2. You’ve always felt like you should have made a different career choice. Now you have the opportunity to switch industries!
3. This break has given you time to review your debt and come up with ideas for multiple income streams.
4. You’ve spent more time with your family in the past week than you have in months. (Ps This means EVERYTHING to your children.  They’d rather have your time and attention vs your money any day!)
5. Being in between jobs has caused your family to reevaluate their values. You now spend more time on the things that are most important and worry less about the things that aren’t.
6. Keep going until you have ten.

I truly believe what is best for one is best for all.  When I ran my family’s small business and we had employees who decided to move on, even though it was difficult, I knew if it was best for them then it was best for us as well.  And visa versa.

The next part is the fun part!  What do YOU want to do with your career?  Here’s the opportunity to dream again.  To start over.  To decide what you want to do when you grow up.  Get curious about yourself and what you want.

I understand the economy may not be in the best place right now to go back to school and fulfill your lifelong dream of becoming a neonatal cardiothoracic surgeon.  However, if that is your dream, the path doesn’t have to be linear.  Your destination can be surgeon, but your path may begin with multiple part-time jobs and night school.  Or maybe you discuss the plan with your family and to make ends meet, you cannot begin school until next year.  That is great!  You are still on your way to fulfilling your goal. 

This is a process.  Have patience.  Remember all good things take time and you likely have some lessons to learn between now and your surgical dreams. 

Come up with a plan.  Start working towards it and reevaluate it every six months.  Make sure you’re still heading in the right direction.  Confirm everyone is still on board with the process.  Every family member deserves the opportunity to go after their dream, but as a family unit, most of the time this requires sacrifice from all.  Ask your family what dreams they have and chart those out as well. 

And have fun along the way!

Each time you dig deeper, question your thoughts, seek to understand yourself or your loved ones better- you are choosing curiosity over fear. 

Fear holds us back and restricts our life as narrowly as you will allow it.  Curiosity is expansive, full of opportunities, and always available even when the path isn’t clear. 

Next time you go through something challenging, remember to pause at the fork in the road, and then choose wisely.